Default position, that place where if we don’t think about it, we land again and again. Now this can be good – like our homes and loved ones, or it can be bad- eating junk food as our go to snack item.

I am a strong believer in continuing to challenge ourselves, as you may have guessed from the writing I do. Largely this is because I have felt the effects of doing the same old thing day in and day out. Whether it is a failure to move our bodies, connect with friends regularly or even cook new recipes. Doing the same old thing day in and day out might feel comfortable but over time parts of our lives will diminish because we are not paying attention.

Combating loneliness by breaking through the default position

Routines are helpful when they make us more efficient, less so when we disconnect. Last week I read a comment on another blog, the person felt lonely in their relationship. More room-mate than soul mate. There were over 100 people who indicated they felt the same way. This is not an isolated problem.

What if we shook that up a little? Made more of an effort to remove ourselves from our default position? Considered options that connected us instead of separated us. And to be clear, while technology is often blamed for this disconnect, it can happen just as easily when people are doing quiet activities like reading or crafts. It is all about the energy exchange occurring between people. It is either there – companionable silence, or the grand canyon of silent withdrawal. You know which end of the spectrum you are on. If you are looking for change, it is important to take ownership of what you might be contributing to the situation.

Where to start

With you of course! If you want a change, then take a little time to think about how it could be different. Become a detective and discover or re-discover those things that you enjoy. Check out local listings and see what festivals, shows or other touristy things are available for you.

If you are in a relationship then talk about it.  Let them know you have recognized a routine that you seem to default to and that you are interested in changing. Ask them if they are willing to come up with some ideas of their own as to how this might change. Ensure you give them enough time to consider your request. Different people need different amounts of time to think about what is being offered. Don’t mistake thinking time for a rejection of the idea, some like to consider several options before jumping in. In the event they are not interested, then it is time for your to carry on with your desire for a more interesting and connected experience. They may join you in time, or they may not, what is important is you following through on your interests. 

Ideas for kicking the default position to the back row.

Is it time for a technology break? If you are not required to be tied to your cell phone for professional reasons, how about considering putting it aside for a few hours? If the cell towers were down, what would you do instead? You might be surprised  what you come up with. Maybe a walk in a park you haven’t been to for a while, maybe you pull out a board game or invite old friends over for an evening of conversation. It isn’t what you do, but rather that you do it.

Lonely doesn’t have to be our default position

Lonely is no place to be and we don’t want it to be our default position. Consider this upcoming weekend another chance to break out and create a new vantage point from which to engage with the world.

By the way…while writing is my default position I keep trying my hand at video. Out of my comfort zone, but sometimes that‘s the point! You can find it on Facebook on the Frances Found page. Or, with any luck, I will successfully upload it here.

I’d love to hear your ideas about stepping out of default. Please, leave a comment and let us know what you are doing differently.


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